London’s uber archaeology unit, Museum of London Archaeology – otherwise known as MOLA (MoLAS basically, without the service) – have announced a new business venture set to take the country by storm. MetroMOLA, a nationwide archaeology company with three regional offices in Birmingham, Manchester and Portsmouth, aim to provide the full range of services typical of most commercial units, but with a unique difference.
MetroMOLA will be staffed entirely by Metros – or ‘Metrosexuals’ – exfoliating, moisturising, super-hairstyling, manscaping, pink shirt wearing, man bag wearing, hygiene conscious male archaeologists, who are also (allegedly) 100% straight.
It’s a London thing.
In a move suggesting the metros might be here to stay, Past Horizons tool store yesterday began selling bumper buckets of hard-hat-proof hair gel. They will also be stocking a new man-about-site/office uniform (below) which will be compulsory wear for all metros employed by the company. As ever, Archtools immediately followed suit.
Taryn Nixon, Managing Director of MOLA, calmed all potential fashion woes, with this quote lifted straight from the press release:
“We value our strong client relationships very highly, and this venture enables us to meet their needs across the UK, blending our skills with their local expertise.”
But when Diggingthedirt interviewed some ‘local expertise’ in the provinces, the invasion of the metros seemed less than welcome.
“I can’t get me head round it,” said Plan-it Bob, an old lag from Warrington, adding, “I’ve only just got used to asking for Latte’s. AND NOW THIS!”
Perhaps holding out for a job with the moisturisers, other locals refused to go on record, instead muttering cynically that the metros were just ‘putting it on’ to woo potential clients.
“Underneath the Calvin Cliens, they’re the same old hairy arsed archaeologists,” commented one anonymous digger, scratching his old hairy arse.
Anyone who’s more than a passing visitor to this website will be well acquainted with our raw retrosexual appeal. That’s how we roll. But archaeology’s a broad church, and investment in the hard-hit commercial sector has to be welcomed, wherever it comes from. MetroMOLA, we welcome you to the table.
But please, don’t ask us out shopping.