Luting

Like Diggingthedirt, many readers will have been appalled and shocked by the horrendous luting taking place the length and breadth of our beautiful land.

What started out as a peaceful protest by men in heraldic costume playing lutes outside Hampton Court Palace, spread like wild fire through our towns and inner cities as disaffected luters turned their anger on their own communities.

A masked group of feral luters raid an off licence in Totenham
Highly aspirational street wear from JD Sports

A horrendous smash and grab ensued, as luters broke shop windows, set fire to buildings, and robbed gentlemen’s haberdashers with gay abandon. JD Sports was a particular target for luters – hell bent on bagging a pair of their new range of curly toed elf shoes.

Other shops faired only marginally better, as luters set aside their renaissance affectations, and coordinated bouts of luting through mobile smart phones, like this call to arms circulated on the Blackberry Messaging Service:

Ther n’ is no werkman whatever he be,
That may both werken wel and hastily.
This wol be done at leisure parfitly. JD Sports in Enfield Kicking off. Bring Bags.

David Cameron, himself a victim of luting, talking to the press about his disappointing holiday

As the dust settles on our shattered communities, politicians from both ends of the political spectrum have been quick to condemn the luters, peering into the smouldering remains to see only a reassuring reflection of their own viewpoint. From the left, luting is the logical consequence of monstrous inequality and savage cuts to state services. From the right, luters have an over-developed sense of their own entitlement and an under-developed sense of their responsibility.

 

 

“There are pockets of our society that are not just broken, but are frankly sick.”

In the words of our Prime Minister, David Cameron, luters are sick little puppies, and should be quarantined post-haste. Condemning the luters, but being careful not to tar other stringed instrument musicians with the same brush, Mr Cameron said:

Celebrity luter Sting, well known to the authorities due to his previous police records
Celebrity luter Sting, well known to the authorities due to his previous police records

More carrot less stick; less carrot more stick. You pays your money and you takes your chance.

Like other members of the squeezed middle in alarm clock Britain, we here at Diggingthedirt are awash in sea of bollocks, and can’t quite shake that sinking feeling.

It’s been one of those weeks.

Click HERE for more luting shenanigans, and thanks to tag for linking to this this poignant film about the perils of minstrelling…

6 comments

  1. other blond men nobody can remember says:

    Celebrity luter Sting…… genius

    That there Sting has been ramping up the rioting for years now – consider these old fav’s on the radio –
    Message in a Molotov,
    Every Breville Toaster You Take
    Every Little Thing She Took is for sale
    Roxthruthewinda
    Spirits free in the Majestic world
    The Beds too Big to carry without You
    Walkin off with the moon

    How many years do you think he will get?

  2. Ah – that takes me back! Now That’s What I Call Luting Volume 3.

    Seriously though, that lad’s a wrong un. It’s entirely made up but probably true: most Men think about what Sting’s doing every 12 seconds. For that reason alone, they should throw away the key.

  3. other blonds says:

    And has anyone else noted that his alias Gordon Sumner is almost an anagram of moron on drugs? I will lock up my children!!

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