Fenland Council Corruption

Council leader declares war on archaeologist ‘Bunny Huggers’

Archaeologists in Cambridgeshire preparing to ‘Shag Like Bunnies’ on 23rd July, met with grim news this morning – learning that ‘Shag an Archaeologist day 2011’ has been cancelled in their district.

Due to an unfortunate clerical error, council leaders have instead scheduled a ‘Screw an Archaeologist Day’ – green lighting proposals put forward by local developers to remove all archaeology planning conditions except for watching briefs.

Alan Melton, leader of Fenland Council, and a lifelong resident of East Bumblefuck, said, “common sense will prevail.”

Leader of Fenland District Council, Alan Melton, explaining to other golf club members how he's 'going to bum the archaeology profession into next week.'

Speaking at the 4th annual Cambs Times/Wisbech Standard/Fenland Council Building and Design Awards final at Wisbech Boathouse, he added:

“The bunny huggers won’t like this but if they wish to inspect a site, they can do it when the footings are being dug out. This will stop the stupid requirement of having to strip a whole site; after trenches have already criss-crossed the site. In some cases requiring the development to be constructed on piles or some other stabiliser, at a far greater un-recoverable cost.”

Alluding to the widespread rural poverty and webbed feet of over 95% of all fenland residents, Mr Melton said the council was determined to see the Fenland’s market towns grow and prosper.

“We will aim to provide between 11,000 and 16,000 homes, with job, retail and commercial opportunities,” he said.

A spokesperson for the archaeologists said: ‘never before has the phrase ‘I shaved my balls for this?!’ seemed more relevant.’

Story from EDP24 via Archaeology Tea Club


  1. Mrs Alan Melton nee Melton nee Melton says:

    Our aim is to concrete over every fen so that future generations will be born without webbed feet. Eventually we hope to start breeding outside our immediate families and produce somebody of emore than moderate talent.

  2. Mr. S. Kwermy Rootler says:

    Some that there diggin is least of yer wurries. I drove down one them roods tuther day and saw a house clad with WOOD of all stuff.

    If you ask me, that wood’ll look like it needs a good ‘ole creosotin’ in a couple o years.

    I ‘shink we be better orf jus bildin’ with concrete – its the footure of Fenlaaaaand.

  3. Ena Pickles says:

    Just because i have shares in an aggregate cartel, a major engineering conglomerate and a national housebuilder which operates under a number of different tax dodging pseudonyms, dosen’t mean that i’m indifferent to bunnies or any other kind of wild life. I am particulalrly fond of foxes, badgers, bears and hares to for that matter. Not so interested in old things though, aprt from hubby of course.

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